Dating Taylor Swift: a nightmare dressed like a daydream? | Mary Valle

As this weeks flap with ex Calvin Harris shows, current beau Tom Hiddleston should watch for signs that hes part of Swifts augmented reality

Taylor Swifts most recent ex-boyfriend, Scottish DJ Calvin Harris, has just been outed as not-the-writer of his hit song This is What You Came For. Apparently, although he and Taylor decided to obfuscate her handiwork by billing her as Nils Sjoberg, she blew a gasket when an interviewer asked Calvin if he would ever collaborate with her. Calvin said: You know, we havent even spoken about it. I cant see it happening though.

This seems like a pretty good bluff to me, since he was discussing a secret collaboration with Taylor. Faultless, actually.

But this infuriated Taylor, who broke up with him, quickly took up with Tom Hiddleston, and just now, via sources, has shamed Calvin for pretending to have written that song when that is how they agreed to play it in the first place.

Poor Calvin didnt realize that what he came here for was a custom-made double-bind. There was no right way to answer that interviewers question. There continues to be no right way to be Taylor Swifts ex-boyfriend.

There does, however, appear to be one right way to be her current one. As I perused this article about whether Hiddleswift is all a publicity stunt its been an excruciating month of photo ops, outfits and endless speculation I puzzled, again, over the is this real life? Is this just fantasy? issue that has plagued the Uncanny Couple. The article includes a gallery of Taylor and her boyfriends in repeating garb and repeating activities, a swerve into the hall of mirrors that appears to be Taylors natural habitat.

Im going off the rails on the Hiddleswift crazy train. Truly, if we Taytom watchers expended the brainpower we are using on this nonsense on something of merit, we would undoubtedly be making water out of nothing at all.

Still, unable to help myself, I pondered Calvins Swift-dealt <a href=”” data-link-name=”in” body link” class=”u-underline”>Kobayashi Maru, and I realized that I have been asking the wrong question about Hiddleswift.

Ive been asking: Is their relationship real or is it fake? But these concepts do not apply here. It seems that much of what Taylor does is a game taking place in real life, or real life taking place in the form of a game. Perhaps, since everything is possible for her, everything is boring except bending reality just to see if it breaks, and employing human beings as actors, and actors as human beings.

That is: Hiddleswift is not a video shoot, as the BuzzFeed piece speculates. It is, rather, a showcase for Taylors patented brand of live action role playing that bleeds into reality.

The strangest thing about Hiddleswift is the way it keeps dragging on, which makes me wonder if the real and the fake are overlapping in such a way that Tom finds himself looking in the mirror and splashing water on his ever-more drawn face several times daily, repeating If this is a dream, Im going to wake up, and never, ever waking up.

He has the look of someone who desperately needs to say something but doesnt think anyone will believe him. I mean, this thing is going on much longer than I imagined, and it wasnt even supposed to be real, and for some reason shes hanging around while I shoot my new movie, but she can be pretty great, he reasons to himself. Really really nice?

What Tom didnt realize is that the invitation to canoodle with Taylor Swift was a Kobayashi Maru disguised as a daydream.

People tend to think that Swifts lyrics are ironic commentary on her image. Which they are. But her lyrics are also standard singer-songwriter confessional stuff. Shes keeping it as real as Ani DiFranco, but no one knows it, says my friend Anya.

In a most telling detail, an article that just appeared in my feed about Tom raring to marry Taylor switches Toms name to Calvin halfway through.

Tom, I have only one suggestion for you: run!

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