Am I The Only One Who Thinks Shanley Obviously Wants Adam’s D?

Alright yall, three cocktails deep and I came straight home to do this recap so typing at a rapid pace is hard. Last week the best couple to ever grace , Cam and Mikala, were saved. Still waiting for the real reason they broke up like:

Tori: Poor Mike and Felicia. Bye Felicia.

Tori spending like, six weeks in a house with a girl and not even knowing her name is me at every party.

Cams telling Mikala to hold on a little bit longer over the track of someone laughing maniacally in the background. Devin, perhaps?

Cam: If we can make it here we can make it anywhere.

Uh, this aint New York. If you can make it here in this game you can make it running a few light errands in some large-ish English-speaking cities, but that’s about it.

Shandys talking to Cam like Would you feel terrible if you dragged her through this and you both went home with nothing? Like bitch, who wouldnt? The point of this entire game is not to go home with nothing. Are you new?

Adam and Shanley (I just remembered her name fr but I honestly like her better as Shandy) go to talk. Shes like Im so proud of myself and how Ive performed and you need to get your head in the game. OK, High School Musical. This bitch is really going back from the beginning to be like Who found the emoji week 1? Who lent you a pencil that one time in fourth grade math class?

Shanley thinks that because she acknowledges on camera that she has a terrible attitude that absolves her of having a terrible attitude. Shes like every girl who says shes brutally honest as a carte blanche to act like an asshole not how it works, boo boo.

THE MISSION

Karamo: To have any success as a perfect match, you and your partner have to be on the same page.

Ya Karamo WE HAVE BEEN FUCKING AWARE.

So for todays mission theyre planning a beach party. TF is this shit, my sorority recruitment? They already filmed a skit, now they’re planning a party, what’s next? Making some Oreo truffles?

OK so this is basically the newlyweds game, but for party planning. That makes it SLIGHTLY more complicated but not really.

Cam: Idk this is nerve-wracking, weve never thrown a party before.

Yeah Im worried about how Im gonna pay rent this month, but tell me again how nervous you are planning a fucking party when all you have to do is choose between two options.

The first station is to choose between liquor or beer. For a party? Who tf would choose beer? That would be immediate grounds for dismissal tbh.

Cam chose beer for a party and Mikala chose cocktails.

Everyone: IDK where this liquor store is!

Shannon: *Reads signs in English* got it!

Tori carries that bucket of liquor like a bawss. I legit love Tori. Tori, consider this your personal invitation to hang out with me in Astoriaassuming youre not too good for Astoria anymore.

The entertainment is band or DJ? Da fuq? We planning a party or a fucking wedding in 1999? Im sorry but like MTV, wtf is this rn.

CAM PICKED BEER AND BAND. Remind me to never attend a party Cams throwing.

Devin is like If we have a physical competition Rashida and I are gonna lose. If thats the case I fail to see how yall thought signing up for an MTV challenge was a good idea.

What is with these lame-ass dudes thinking people want beer and bands at a party? No wonder these guys had to go on a dating show to find a girlfriend. It all makes sense now.

All right, youve convinced me. Im putting in my application for . See you on season 6! I’ll be the least attractive one who’s dead inside. It’s a mystery why I’m single, really.

And the winners are Adam and Shanley. Its like each week MTV goes hmmm who could really use a W? and then makes up a challenge on the spot thats specifically tailored to that pair.

Damn how did Tori and Morgan end up in almost last place? Like, I know how because Ive been watching it, but damn. The tides have turned.

Its a little pathetic to see Rashida apologize to Devin for being an asshole when Devin was clearly the one being a douche like I feel like Devin could murder someone and be like Im so sorry for killing that person and Rashida would be like sorry for killing that person!! OMG see were like the same!!!

Mikala getting side-tracked at the final stage of this mission because she saw a dog is me af.

Holy shit, Tori and Morgan lose. Ugh this is extremely upsetting. They lost 50% of our bank and I bet Morgan is regretting not stealing two weeks ago like never before.

I should be drinking water, but I guess Im gonna drink some booze Morgan and also me

Adam: *Wins one challenge* Shanley and I are easily the best competitors in the house.

Cam and Mikala are talking and Mikala is like the thoughts always there that Ill steal like maybe not the best thing to say right to your partner when the whole game is based off not stealing.

BACK AT THE HOUSE

Everyones joking about the size of Adams dick and hes like LOL yeah my dick is totally the size of a water bottle and Shanley is like LIAR!

Adam: How is my penis starting all this drama when Im not even putting it into anyone? 

Shanley: I just heard you talk yourself up and I told you to prove it and you wouldnt.

So like, Shanley is LITERALLY mad that Adam didn’t show her his penis. The solution to all your problems is so simple: SHE WANTS THE D! Adam, how can you be so blind!

Not sure how much booze Shanley has drank but shes like Send me tf home. I dont even fucking care.

Morgan: I am just kinda dead inside at this moment.

Same tho. Welcome to team dead inside! I am the captain but you can easily join our ranks.

Tori is drunkenly rubbing Morgans back and talking about her feelings. Like Im slightly uncomfortable rn.

Morgan: Will you watch me sleep for a while?

Tori: Yeah

Me:

Devin is trying to tell Morgan to vote him in to the choice because hell steal. Hes like Ive never lied before, why would I lie now? I’m sorry, when has Devin lied?

Meanwhile, Mikala is like put me in, coach to Tori.

THE CHOICE

MORGAN CAME THROUGH WITH THE TUX. Brb, gotta change my underwear. JK y’all know I only have eyes for Derrick (RIP).

Im gonna be so sad if Morgan and Tori go home. Why couldnt this week be the blind trust? Can this be like a situation, where they decide to send all final four teams to Fashion Week?

And the couple going into the choice is Cam and Mikala.

Devins like damn I had a speech and everything.

Rashida: Oh so you just wanna steal my money.

Devin: I mean that would be classic Devin but I would never do that.

Rashida/Me:

See like if it were me Id just be like Im gonna hit steal, if you hit share Ill split the money with you. Shit, I gotta stop revealing all my secrets in these recaps or they’ll never pick me for the show.

Cam: I feel like Ive been a piece of shit for a couple weeks but from here on out Im gonna put you as number one.

Mikala: Youre still my best friend and Ill do this for as long as you wanna do it.

Blah blah blah oh this is lame now. Wheres the suspense? They’re obviously both gonna share.

And the choices are.

YASSSSS ANOTHER BLIND CHOICE!!! Ahhh WHO CALLED IT! WHO THE FUCK CALLED IT!

Dont mind me, I’m just over here like:

Everyone else is like: 

Mikala is like Fuck I guess were really still in this then. 

Can’t wait for the final, it’s gonna be lit moderately challenging.

Read more: http://www.betches.com/are-you-the-one-second-chances-episode-8-recap

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