5 Beauty Products For The Unicorn Obsessed Because If You Can’t Beat Em, Join ‘Em

The unicorn beauty trend has been getting its 15 minutes of fame recently and I dont fucking get it. Its like every time I look at my phone I see another article about how unicorns are the new it thing for summer and festival looks, which means Im already taking mental notes about all of the people Ill need to start unfollowing on social media come June. But what is it about unicorns that has people going batshit over them? Like, we get it, theyre unique, blah, blah, blah. You know what else is just as unique? Rose gold iPhones. Seriously, give me a break.

So putting to good use the same journalistic skills I used to back-stalk my exs new girlfriend all the way to second grade, I opened a bottle of wine did some research into the background of unicorns. This is just like senior year, except for funner!

According to the internet (and we know theres never any fake news on there), unicorns are mythical woodland creatures that are notorious because they can only be captured by virgins. Wait… WHAT. Oh OF COURSE virgins are behind this trend. It all makes sense now. I’m picturing that girl from my freshman year dorm who judged me for putting out but played the game of “just the tip” herself. You know, the girl who’s always saying stuff like “I’m not like other girls” or whose Facebook cover photo says something like “It’s okay to be YOUnique”? I can def see this girl as the mastermind of bringing back a beauty trend that’s popular among second graders. 

And because the unicorn fad isn’t just for virgins (I assume) and I know theres a lot of thots out there trying to be semi-original at Coachella this year I’ve gone ahead and listed 5 beauty products that you can buy to make your unicorn dreams delusions come true:

1. Unicorn Lips

Ive said it once, Ill say it again, the only reason youre sporting this look is because youre on drugs/are about to take drugs/want to look like you take drugs on Instagram. That or youre a 13-year-old girl named Zenon who’s about to save the space center and get a boyfriend too. Zedus Lapedus, duh. That being said, Too Faceds Unicorn Tears Lipstick is the best in the game. It definitely gives off some futuristic vibes without going too overboard, plus itll be great for your Snapchat game. Youre welcome.

2. Unicorn Hair

Lime Crime is about to release a unicorn hair dye line and its as batshit whimsical as youd think it would be. Apparently crazy the dyes comes in 13 different colors and are all vegan friendly because of course. Each color comes in full coverage and tint formulas as well. The only good thing about this line is its a literal steal. A jar of this dye costs $16 and can last up to ten washes. Which also means that you’ll be looking like a grandma on acid for up to 10 days after Coachella, so, use that information wisely.

3. Unicorn Nails

Tbh I dont actually hate this one. There are obviously ways to go overboard here. For example, if youre considering anything bejeweled or horn shaped then maybe just take a step back and ask yourself if you really want to become the next internet meme. But for a more subtle look, try Trust Fund Beauty polish in Boy, Bye. Itll make you seem cool and edgy and not less like a virgin who cant drive.

4. Unicorn Snot

Any purchase with the word snot in it has to be some sort of red flag to credit card companies, so I can only imagine that a purchase like this would warrant your card being put on hold. AS IT SHOULD BE. Because if youre buying snot from mythical beings then you really need to reevaluate your life choices. Aside from the name making me want to vomit, Unicorn Snot is basically just body glitter in a jar. Groundbreaking.

And at $10 a (tiny) jar, you too can look like a model in a Wet Seal ad. Tbh you could spend that same amount of money on a semi-ratchet bottle of wine, getting fucked up and watching that HBO documentary about the secret world of tickling, which I can and will be doing later to forget all the things that people willingly purchase for themselves. Sighs.

5. Unicorn (Holographic) Highlighter

This seems a little extra to me, but then again so does this entire article. Moving on, the Milk Makeup Holographic Stick is about to take your music festival game to the next fucking level. Dot a little bit on your eyelids, Cupids bow, and cheeks for a chic take on the monochromatic look. But be careful because going overboard with this one screams Im definitely doing drugs after work, and lets be honest, your boss already judges you enough at happy hour.

Congratulations, youve now purchased the more expensive version of the makeup you played dress up with as an 8-year-old. Im sure your parents are v proud. If you need me, Ill just be on Instagram slashing and burning narrowing down the list of people I follow. 

Read more: http://www.betches.com/5-unicorn-makeup-products

Comments are closed.

Copyright © EP4RECORDS BLOG
WP Facebook Auto Publish Powered By : XYZScripts.com